Over and Over Again
by pepperlicious
Summary: /"I love you." "You don't mean that." I do. I love you."/ Where Saruhiko and Misaki don't understand that they don't need willpower. SaruFem!Misaki R


Red hair spread out over the pillow, like flames of a burning fire, she lay sleeping, in his bed, her lips drawn up into a peaceful smile.

Saruhiko stood in the doorway and watched her sleep, now completely used to these sudden appearances. She would show up at random moments, and go about his house doing whatever she pleased. Sometimes in the middle of the night, waking him up by banging on his door; sometimes in the evenings, when she knew he would be at home and awake. They didn't talk much when she came over then. They pretended the other wasn't there, or contrastingly, melted into each other's heated kisses.

Most of the time, though, she came when he was at work. She picked the lock and made it inside his house, and he would usually come back home to dirty dishes and a messed up bed where she had slept, or to a lump under the covers, where she was snuggled up with his sheets.

He didn't mind. Not at all. In fact, he welcomed it. He liked to imagine that while he was at work, the one person who meant everything to him was in _his_ bed, mixing her scent with _his_ so that when she wasn't there, he could imagine that they were lying there together, arms wrapped around each other in a tight and possessive embrace.

"Misaki…" he muttered, loving the way her name rolled of his tongue. He made his way to the bed, making sure he didn't step too loudly in case she woke up. He sat down next to her dainty body and stroked her cheek. Her skin was smooth and soft, just like it always had been. She was beautiful.

Bending down, he placed a kiss on each cheek and let his head rest next to hers, savouring her scent, memorizing each detail of her exquisite face.

"I love you, Misaki." He whispered.

Her amber eyes opened and met his sapphire ones.

"You don't mean that." She said after a while.

"I do." Saruhiko replied. "I love you."

"But you left me."

He gave her a sad smile. "I couldn't stay."

"You're a bastard." She mumbled, but her arms wrapped themselves around his body. "You're a fucking traitor and I hate you."

He kissed her forehead and she didn't try to stop him. "I know." Another kiss.

"Then why am I here again?" She asked, her grip on him tightening.

He shrugged and his bangs fell over his left eye, the way she hated so much. She pushed the strands away and cupped his cheeks, bringing him down, closer to her face.

"Saruhiko." She said and he loved the way her breath fanned his face, barely an inch's distance between his lips and hers. The temptation was incredible. He wanted nothing more than to taste her again, and kiss her and touch her, and make her squirm under him. But willpower, Saruhiko, he told himself, and she was too dainty for him to touch, too breakable in his arms.

"Yes, Misaki?" He asked, looking into those eyes, so full of passion.

"Kiss me."

He didn't need telling twice, and he closed the distance between them, lips barely touching at first, but then the need grew and she brought him closer, and he licked her lips, his tongue asking for entrance, which she didn't hesitate to give him.

It felt so good, just like it always did, for both of them. His tongue probed inside her mouth in a sensual way, causing her to moan softly and he felt a shiver go down his spine.

He needed her. Oh, how badly he needed her. But he couldn't have her. She wasn't his for the taking. He would only break her, and be able to do nothing more than collect the pieces. He deserved better than him.

He pulled away, slowly, and a translucent strand of saliva, connecting them broke, and slid down both their chins. Her eyes were bright as ever as they looked up at him, confused.

"Why did you stop?"

He cleared his throat and untangled himself from her arms. "We shouldn't be doing this."

"Fuck yeah, we shouldn't." She snorted as she sat up, and the covers slid down, pooling at her waist. She was wearing only her black tank top. Her hair fell down past her shoulders and her bangs into her eyes as she looked at him.

"Then why are we doing it?" He asked her, looking away, unable to bear that this girl, this immense beauty, could never be his.

She shrugged. "Because we want to?"

Saruhiko shook his head. "We need to have willpower."

Misaki snorted again. "But we don't have any of that." She murmured before grabbing his collar and pulling him close to her again.

"I don't know why…" She began, but trailed off when she realized that he was looking at her, so intensely, and she felt herself drowning in those deep blue pools…

"Why what?"

The redhead closed her eyes and turned away. "I don't know. I hate you."

He gave a sad smile and nodded. "You said."

"But then I don't." She sighed and wrapped her bare arms around his neck, burying her face into his chest. "I don't hate you."

He felt her quiver and then his ears caught on a small sob. He wrapped his arms around her and she broke down.

"You betrayed me, Saru." She murmured. "And you left, and I should hate you."

"And you do."

"No, I don't. I can't. I love you."

Saruhiko's eyes widened at her words and he pulled away. He grabbed her face and made her look at him. Her eyes were wet, and so were her cheeks, but he didn't care.

"You don't mean that." He said.

"I do." She replied and smiled at him. "I love you."

And he kissed her again, deep and loving, transferring all those emotions he had built up inside him. Pulling away to allow for oxygen, he barely wasted a second before he kissed her once more, and pushed her down onto the bed again.

Misaki grabbed his hair and kissed him with equal force, whimpering under his strength.

"Don't leave me again." She murmured against his lips. "Don't."

"No." He whispered. "Never."

* * *

_A/N: well that was..strange. I honestly don't know why I wrote this. For some reason its what I imagine Saru and Misaki's relationship to be like, if Misaki was a girl, even before Totsuka or anyone died. _

_I'm trying to stay away from yaoi, because its making me gay (lol) but SaruMi is my OTP and I can't let it go so I'll have to deal with genderbend._

_Tell me whatchu think?_

_-Pepper_


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